


for him. //PHAN//

by zoeisnotonfire



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, I'm Sorry, M/M, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:11:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8700550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoeisnotonfire/pseuds/zoeisnotonfire
Summary: Dan writes a letter to Phil.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is just something i randomly wrote at like midnight, so sorry if it's v crappy. Also i realized that i call everything i write crappy. I'm apologizing in advance. plz don't sue.
> 
> ALSOO****follow me on instagram yo @fakehowell ****** PLZ

To him.

Hello, I know this is kind of late, but I really needed to tell you this and a friend of ours said this would be a great way to do it. I never thought I’d ever be writing a letter to you since we’ve lived together for so long, but look at me go. 

I remember the first time I saw you. I looked up the stupidest search and you were the second recommendation. I clicked on you because I thought you looked cute. I watched the video and fell in love. I was so young and you were some cool older famous youtuber. I watched all your videos and commented on so many. You were my idol. I started trying to talk to you. And somehow, it worked. Soon we were Skyping and I couldn’t forget the first time I saw you talking to me directly through my computer screen. When you hung up I squealed and cried tears of joy. I like to remember those days. We were young and naïve and didn’t care what others thought about us. We flirted on every form of social media and then when we finally discussed to meet in real life, I almost fainted. My heart was beating out of my chest the moment I got on that train ride to Manchester. When I saw you across the train station, my heart stopped. Your blue eyes lit up and ran towards me. We hugged in the middle of people trying to get to where ever they were going but it felt like time stopped. When your arms wrapped around my waist, I knew that you were the one. 

I love living with you. I still love it. Even though you’re slightly messy. Somehow, I enjoyed finding your socks all over our home. You were always there for me so after a while I stopped caring about the socks. You could infest our house with a billion moths and I still wouldn’t care to tell you anything. You are so wonderful to me. You are so much more positive than me and that helped me in so many cases. You’re there for me always. Sometimes I forget that we have other friends because, honestly, you are the only person I care about. All the videos we’ve made mean so much to me. Everything we’ve done means so much to me. Our PINOFS, our tour, both our books. Everything means the world to me. 

So many people laughed at us. Never in a mean way, but always playing around. You two are joint to the hip! When are you two going to stop with the whole duo thing? Don’t you think the ‘always with each other’ thing is getting a bit old? We always just laughed at it. The first time someone said something like that I got a little bit afraid, though. What if you were thinking that ‘us’ was getting old. It kept me up at night constantly. I think that’s why I always asked to sleep with you. Having your arms wrapped around me as I sleep is the most calming feeling in the world. I can never put words on what you smell like. All I know is that I love it.

I love you. I love your hair. I always thought it was funny. You know, you having such dark hair. It doesn’t match with your personality but it looks so beautiful on you. I love how it glistens hues of blue in some lighting because of that one time you decided to paint your hair a dark blue. It really suited you by the way. I’m still jealous of how naturally straight your hair is. I love your eyes too. Your eyes are such a beautiful shade of blue. It’s the blue of a hundred oceans swirling together in a bright sunlight with tiny islands all around. I could stare at your eyes forever. I do stare at your eyes forever. I always have. I never liked my eyes, they are just brown. I love your eyes because they aren’t just blue. They have tints of green and yellow specs all around them. No one can notice them unless they looked really close and I always made sure to look really close. I love everything about you.

Phil Lester I love you. I’m sorry if I’ve said it too much. I’m sorry if I don’t say it enough. I used to never imagine living without you. 

 

But here I am. 

I didn’t want you to leave. You were sick and I couldn’t help you. I don’t ever want to feel like that again. You were so wonderful. You made me who I am today. But I hate who I am today. Because I'm always sad and I can’t help being sad. It just happens out of nowhere. Everything reminds me of you and its getting harder and harder to forget that your gone. You scent hasn’t left the house. Your clothes are still hanging. I’m still finding your socks everywhere. Social media is filled with your face. I’m not the only sad person here. I need you here with me. Because I miss your eyes. Every night they are what I see. Our memories are scattered all over the house. I don’t know if I should keep them there. They aren’t my memories. They are ours. I miss your hugs. I miss your kisses. I miss your smile. I even miss your damn jokes. I just miss you. You.

You will always hold a giant piece in my heart. I will never forget about the boy I saw on YouTube that one day. I will never forget that boy that waited for me at the Piccadilly train station. I’ll never forget about the boy that drew cat whiskers on my face. I’ll never forget about the boy that I fell madly in love with. 

I’ll never forget about you Phil Lester. I love you.

 

Forever yours, bear.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry


End file.
